How to Win People Over Diplomatically
Are you someone who takes control in conversations, gets right-to-the-point and doesn’t sugar coat information? Do you sometimes find that people don’t always respond very positively to this? Yet you think, ‘Well why not? It’s the truth?’
Do you sometimes wish you could win people over in a more diplomatic way? Perhaps improve your communication style, so that you know how to modify or adapt your conversations to achieve better results?
Diplomats have always had a way with words. Some more than others, but for the most part they know how to get exactly what they want, without tarnishing the relationships of the parties involved.
But how exactly do they do that? Are some people just born better negotiators? Do some people just have a natural gift for communicating with people? But more importantly, can one learn how to have conversations in a more diplomatic way?
The answer to that is invariably yes. One can learn the tricks of the trade to win people over in conversations using the following diplomatic conversational techniques:
How to Win People over Diplomatically: Diplomats listen more than they talk
Part of being a diplomatic conversationalist is acknowledging that you don’t know everything. Especially what other people are thinking. No leader today has all the answers. And the best way to deal with that is simple: listen more than you talk. Some of the best conversationalists in the world speak 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time.
How to Win People over Diplomatically: Ask discovery questions and don’t interrupt
Following on from the previous point. How do you find out what is on someone’s mind? Simple – By asking them questions. By asking people questions you are acknowledging them and essentially saying that you value their opinion.
Discovery questions are questions that you don’t know the answer to. A lot of people tend to ask questions to which they already know the answer – this can be counterintuitive.
How to Win People over Diplomatically: Use decisive, assertive language
When you do need to speak, don’t beat around the bush with this one. Speak clearly in simple language so that the person or people you’re addressing won’t misunderstand your points.
How to Win People over Diplomatically: Avoid shouting and telling people what to do
According to neuroscience experts, when people are being shouted at or told what to do in a threatening way, cortisol floods their brains. Cortisol is the stress hormone and once it floods the brain it shuts down the executive part of their brain. Which is responsible for all logical and analytical thought, as well as shutting down their capacity to build trust with people and empathise.
Good politicians and diplomats know that this is counterintuitive to the overall goal of diplomacy.
Make no mistake. Trust is not built overnight. Diplomacy can be deliberately time consuming. But worth every second.
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